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Joke of the Day

"When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt. I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus."

"Yo momma so fat... I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"Eskimos.. What do eskimos do when it gets cold? They go into their igloos and sit around a candle. What do they do when it gets even colder? They turn on the candle."

"Facebook timelines are just a step by step account of your march toward death."

"2 guys walk into a bar... ... the third one ducks."

"So anyway, one of my favorite pastimes is not drowning."

"What do a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets"

"Seenus trouble Dad: Son, I have seenus trouble. Me: Seenus? Dont you mean sinus trouble, pops? Dad: No, son. Seenus, I was out with my girlfriend and your mom seenus."

"I wore Pirates of the Caribbean pajama pants to the gym and ran backwards on the treadmill because I want a nickname there."

"Where do fleas go to surf? To the microwave."