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Joke of the Day

"A woman speaks to her Jewish son. *Kid is playing in a sandbox* >Mom: Come back here! It's rude to play with the bodies of our ancestors!"

"How are music and candy similar? We throw away the rappers."

"Some people get their friends to do their bidding by offering favors or compensation. I just threaten to throw their iPhones in the toilet."

"An inverse exorcism... When you have to summon Satan to get the priest out of the boy."

"I'm taking your mom to the new British dollar store Pound Town."

"What does a gay orgy sound like? A cockophony."

"Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness."

"""Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."""

"Aragorn: If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword Legolas: And you have my bow Gimli: and my axe Steve: and my 439 Twitter followers"

"I was watching the film, 'A Perfect Murder,' with my wife She told me she was getting scared. ""Is it the storyline?"" I asked. ""Not really,"" she replied. ""Stop taking notes."""