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Joke of the Day

"Just saw an old lady give up her seat to another old lady on the subway...polite or the ultimate shade?"

"What do you call a voucher for complimentary Chipotle? free coli"

"[text] I'm very hungry but I'm sick and tired of the food at my work! ;( Maybe I'll try bringing lunch from home?!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Butcher ! Butcher who ? Butcher your arms around me !"

"A joke about procrastination. Eh, I'll write it later."

"How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it. [Source](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East_Germany_jokes)"

"Dear rock bands, If I am at your show, assume I am both ready and willing to rock. No need to ask."

"I use to worry I was a nihilist... but then I realized I don't care."

"*bark* ""What's that Lassie?"" *bark bark* ""Timmy's stuck in a loveless marriage with an overly critical wife?"" *bark* ""Ooh, dinnertime."""

"What's the most popular red wine?? We want our land back!!"