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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: ""I'm afraid-"" *Wife crying* ""I'm afraid your husband is in a better place now."" *cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*"

"Masturbation is like procrastination It feels good when you're doing it, but afterwards, you realized you fucked yourself"

"Does anyone on here know how to ""unhook"" Amazon from my Twitter so that I can order things without giving people the idea I am Really bald??"

"my girlfriends said if this gets 1000 up votes then I probably reposted somebody elses joke"

"I like my jokes like my blues.... Cheesy"

"I used to suffer from delusions that I was a bland, flavourless cut of meat... but now I'm cured."

"2 nazis walk into a bar"

"[talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello"

"What should we name this ancient Japanese throwing knife? A: Let's just name it the first thing that comes to mind, think you can handle that? B: Sure I can."

"What's your stance on public intoxication? Mine is very wobbly."