192517

Joke of the Day

"I'm going through a phase of categorizing my life in phases. I call this one my 'phase' phase."

"""Decide you want it more than you're afraid of it"" -Bill Cosby Well, we all see where that got him."

"Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Then it'll be a foot. I'm so sorry."

"""You will not marry him! He is not of our kind!"" But we're in love! ""It is forbidden!"" *whale elopes with submarine*"

"All I said is that I didn't know whether we were a Marvel or DC family and my husband and kids locked me out of the house."

"Did you hear about the gardener that had an aneurysm? He's currently in a vegetative-state."

"IAmA hot dog cart owner, AMA my weiner!"

"My Dad started singing these to me last night. Thought Reddit might appreciate them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmqP25iALtU"

"*pulls up to a red light with my windows down blasting NPR*"

"DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft"