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Joke of the Day

"I'm for traditional marriage, mostly because I want to know how many goats I'm worth."

"Actual ""dad"" joke from my dad What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water? Mouse to Mouse resuscitation."

"It is amazing how many problems you can solve by ignoring them."

"Why did the blond take a ruler to bed? To see how long she slept."

"I'm sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You're gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn't crash."

"I'm off to buy a 3-D printer. Which I'll use to make another 3-D printer. Then return the first one."

"Chemistry joke involving the alphabet A B C D E F G H I J K Phosphorus Q R S T U V W X Y Z Why is there a Phosphorus? Because its an EL EM EN TAL P!"

"What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything."

"Me: You're the only one who truly gets me. Chipotle guy: What? Me: I said chicken. Chicken burrito."

"When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, ""no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."""