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Joke of the Day

"What they say: ""Wow, you're really photogenic."" What they mean: ""Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."""

"If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots they would be called, cellfies."

"Someone asked me if I wanted to watch Richard the third. I Said 'I haven't the seen the first 2'"

"'Marley and Me' has a sequel! It's called 'Me'..."

"What do you call a slutty bean? A Frijole (""free-hole""). Ba-dun-tss"

"I hear a woman with no legs just won the world strawberry picking competition. Jammy cunt"

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? Usain Bolt can finish off a race."

"My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like ""You're five years old? When I was your age I was six!"""

"Me: I need to lose my baby weight. Diet coach: Awww, how old is your youngest? Me: Thirteen."

"If men could get pregnant, not only would abortions be legal, I think McDonald's would be doing it."