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Joke of the Day
"'Marley and Me' has a sequel! It's called 'Me'..."
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"What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear? A barracuchi."
"*knocks on donation door Me: I have a donation Salvation Army: Ma'am, once again... you cannot donate your man Me: You have stupid rules!"
"It's too bad your funny status was ruined by your inability to spell."
"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Technically I pulled myself over, you only asked C: I know, right? They make us say it like that"
"""No, Dad, Vampire Weekend is not like Shark Week..."""
"What's the most common owl in Britain? The tea towel"
"If you wore corduroy to a job interview, what kind of an impression would you leave? I feel like this is a great setup, but I can't think of a punchline. Any help, reddit?"
"When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers"
"People who change the channel every time there's a commercial are more annoying than commercials."