192249

Joke of the Day

"They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country... ...but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million."

"""LSD Makes Users Lose Weight"" That makes sense. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it."

"19 showed us what he has learned at college when he asked ""can we drink screwdrivers while we are opening presents?"" *making screwdrivers*"

"When I said ""I'm really good in bed"" I was referring to sleeping. Sorry for the misunderstanding, you can pull your pants up now."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cyril ! Cyril who ? Cyril thing - no imitations here !"

"What is the prettiest thing about a DC girl? Her resume."

"[kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT."

"Why was Jon Snow so successful at basketball? he knew where to put it.."

"Alone floating on a raft in the pool. Asked the neighbor to call my home phone and ask someone to bring me a beer. Work smarter not harder."

"How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants? He'll do it **Juan by Juan.** (So corny, IK.)"