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Joke of the Day

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a pretty obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: You send down five skin divers."

"[Interrogation room] Good cop: ""Confess and we will go easy on you"" Sweet tooth cop: ""You bes- *hears music* -ICE CREAM MAN!"" *runs outside*"

"Amazon Prime would be a good title for a Wonder Woman movie."

"Cats are just fuzzy houseplants that hate you."

"#Itssocoldthat..A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring"

"The day before Rosh Hashanah... can be called adam's eve."

"How does a pirate reenact Travis Bickle's speech? Are you talking to me?"

"I can't sleep; so I went out & got 2 donuts, glued them to my eyes, climbed up a tree & pretended I'm an owl."