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Joke of the Day

"Pepsi? Pep*no*."

"Just spilled beer on my crotch, so to save myself from the embarrassment, I pissed my pants. Can't have people thinking I'm a sloppy drinker"

"I had my blood drawn today. The artist was very nice."

"What's the difference between the charismatics and the nacists? 45"

"A public restroom I was in had a sign that said ""Flush toilet paper only"" and I just thought Well, shit"

"Dear diary, although he was a malevolent killer, the headless horseman was really well dressed. My emotions about this are confusing."

"He's taking you for granted? Act differently. Do something spontaneous. Spice things up. Sleep with his friend."

"A black guy and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? The police. They're the police, racist."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate the pie before it was cool."

"A construction worker comes home from work. He tells his wife, ""Honey, I cut off my finger today."" She replies, ""The whole finger!?"" He says, ""No, the one right next to it."""