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Joke of the Day
"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate the pie before it was cool."
Next Joke
"If I had to list one thing I'm truly outstanding at I think it would be ripping open resealable bags so they are no longer sealable."
"You wanna see the most dangerous animal in the world mate? Go look in the mirror. (I've locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)"
"What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones."
"Don't EVER let anyone tell you you're not worth anything. You can get at least ten grand for one of your kidneys."
"Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? - A: The Outside."
"""There's nothing more beautiful than the birth of a child."" (someone who's never seen the birth of a child)"
"Doctor Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts and here... it hurts and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me? You have a broken finger!"
"At the Airport Customs: Where is your passport Me: *hands credit card* Customs: You can't bribe me Me: It's my visa"
"My first job in retail taught me that the customer is always right. Until they're out of earshot."