229478

Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate the pie before it was cool."

"The adult life I imagined as a child involved less laundry and more group dance numbers."

"I think its my mom's birthday. I should unblock her on facebook and check."

"How did we even waste time before Twitter?"

"Mom: clean up ur room! We're having guests over for dinner Me: sorry, I didnt realize we were having dinner in my room"

"If you're American before you go to the bathroom and American after. What are you when you're in the bathroom? European"

"So Oscar Pistorious was sentenced to 5 years of prison. In my opinion, his excuse was lame. I don't think he had a leg to stand on."

"I want to name my computer ""Dat Ass"" So every so often my computer will ask me if I want to Back Dat Ass up."

"Sorry I used the word flaccid twice in your wedding toast."

"How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to install the bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years"