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Joke of the Day

"Include a snapshot of Doge the dog with your #resume. When asked about it during the interview, reply ""What do you meme?"""

"I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was."

"If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn't, you should know that I ignored you first."

"So my friend's bakery burned down yesterday... His business is toast."

"How much does a German weigh? Teutons."

"'Space Jam' never gets old - that's because in the sterile environment of space fruit preserves don't spoil. Hi, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson."

"What's your mom's favorite bird? A cock or two."

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Well, it's really nice."

"Anyone can sit here and buy you drinks. I want to buy you dinner!"

"I turned into a cat earlier. Don't ask meow."