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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see a middle-aged guy trying desperately to hang onto his youth, I always think ""I should move this mirror""."

"What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?...He braces himself"

"Maybe if you knew Garfield's parents were murdered on a monday by anti lasagna activists you wouldn't be so judgmental."

"HR: Did you tell Brenda she was stupid? Me: Oh god no! I said she is stupid. HR... Me: There's no past tense with that one."

"What's the worst part about 9/11? getting your reddit jokes downvoted 14 years later because everyone is a crybaby cunt"

"When a girl cancels a date, it's because she has to, but when a guy cancels a date, it's because he has two."

"A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, ""I don't speak dog,"" and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently."

"How do you make your dick look bigger? Take a picture of it in a 5 year old's hand"

"Why the fuck did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays. Hahah get it? arrays(a raise?) No..? :("

"What is the purpose of the bumps around a womens nipple? It's braille for blind babies... -=Women=- It spells out ....""Suck here"" -=Men=- "" I am the daddy """