192006

Joke of the Day

"The best blowjob I ever had was from a fat chick. Probably because she's used to putting things in her mouth."

"They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever."

"Hey Facebook, I really don't care that somebody commented on a post that I commented on seven days ago."

"Whats the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana? Nothing, their last big hit was the wall."

"The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever"

"I went to the zoo the other day There was only a single animal, it was a dog. It was a shih tzu..."

"Q: How do you reuse a condom? A: Turn it inside out, and shake the fuck out of it."

"Did you hear about the convicted grammar Nazi? He was *sentenced* to death"

"A woman is suing Disney claiming that Frozen is based on her life. She sounds like a cold bitch."

"NASA Says Signs of Water Flowing on Mars, Possible Niches for Life Willing to take a bath in that following water in Mars."