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Joke of the Day
"They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever."
Next Joke
"With a name like ""Earl"", I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding."
"Doctor: ""You have a hip injury."" Me: ""I am very trendy."""
"A salmon is swimming up a river. It hits a wall. Dam."
"I'm not racist because racism is a crime and crime is for black people."
"I don't own a turntable, for the record."
"I hate being a depressed atheist. Nothing to live for. Nothing to die for."
"If my wife made whiskey, I'd love her still."
"What's Donald Trump's favorite drug? Cuckaine"
"I blow, but I don't swallow. I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I? I am a flag."