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Joke of the Day

"Today I broke a G string while fingering A minor Dammit, playing guitar is hard!"

"Did you hear about that one statistician? Probably."

"When someone offers me constructive criticism, it's clear they've mistaken me for someone else."

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit the frog's finger"

"Recycling Jesus died for our bins."

"What do you call a berry with a sore throat? A raspberry!"

"[at wine tasting] Hmm yes, very good. a slight smokey undertone. ""Sir, you just put your cigarette in your wine"" Strong smokey undertone"

"Why didn't the oyster have any friends? He was shellfish. Woo! Been thinking for days trying to come up with some OC to blast your brains with."

"Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes."

"Q: What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? A: I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face..."