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Joke of the Day

"A speech should be like a woman's skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting!"

"Some of my Satan worshiping friends invited me to an open discussion on Satanism... I'm not a Satanist myself, but I do like to play Devil's advocate...it was very confusing."

"Four Worst Feelings Ever: 4. Losing your job 3. Romantic break up 2. Death of a loved one 1. Needing to pee when you're stuck in traffic"

"humans: wat did we ever do to deserve dogs dogs: wat horible sins were done to our ancestors for us to be subservient to the humabns"

"""I live my life .402 kilometers at a time, chap"" - Fast and Furious 7: Now We're British"

"Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year"

"If the Native Americans that celebrated the first Thanksgiving were still alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age."

"A roman centurion walked into a bar, raised his hand and signed the waiter to get him 2 martini. The waiter gave him 5 instead."

"What do you call a kid with no arms and legs and severe Down syndrome? Names"

"When you're as good at levitation as I am... It's hard to keep your feet on the ground."