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Joke of the Day

"I submitted several play on words to a competition, hoping one will bring me victory.... Unfortunately, no pun in ten did"

"People always complain that I'm ""out there."" [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]"

"I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory."

"What do you call a bad ass phone that doesn't work? Off the hook. (It's stupid but I did make it up)"

"Life is like pizza. It makes you fat."

"I once thought about suicide. Then I realised that there's probably better things to name our child."

"What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball? A hypochondriac"

"Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus? A: She took the 33 bus twice instead."

"i found out how to kill vegetarian vampires a steak to the heart"

"What do you call a street on the Mexican border? Wall Street"