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Joke of the Day

"""He's no longer updating iTunes."" - A very modern way of saying someone died"

"You sneeze, and a tiny book titled ""A spiders guide to navigating the human brain"" shoots out your nose. You faintly hear a spider cussing."

"If babies knew how shitty life gets they wouldn't be giggling so much. Ignorant little bastards."

"What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. ~ Infinite Jest, by DFW"

"Making good jokes about the clitoris is difficult: It's really sensitive."

"I don't always have sex with star trek fans... but when I do, I prefer dos trekkies."

"I'm having mixed feelings about that garlic diet... So far, I've lost 6 pounds and most of my friends."

"old man gets a call from his wife wife: ""stay off the highway. I'm watching the news and there's a maniac driving into oncoming traffic!"" old man: ""it's worse than you think! I see hundreds of them!"""

"What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch? Namaste"

"A priest and a rabbi walk into a school, after a while the priest turns to the rabbi and whispers: ""I'd like to screw that boy"", the rabbi then replies: ""Out of what?"""