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Joke of the Day

"old man gets a call from his wife wife: ""stay off the highway. I'm watching the news and there's a maniac driving into oncoming traffic!"" old man: ""it's worse than you think! I see hundreds of them!"""

"There's no crying in baseball! But there is in cryball and you're gonna make it big, kid! Are you smiling? There's no smiling in cryball!"

"Every time the sun goes down, I get attacked by a horse. What a night mare."

"I can turn anything into a boomerang just by throwing it straight up"

"A driver was so focused on being upset I was texting while driving... They rear ended the car ahead of them. I guess texting while driving is distracting."

"COP: careful, this guy's insane DETECTIVE: ok [he walks into the interrogation room] ME: i dont like the creme part of oreos D: jesus christ"

"I used to think I knew what a racist was until I told Usain Bolt he was my favorite racist ever."

"My urge to sing ""The Lion Sleeps Tonight"" is just a whim away. A whim away, a whim away"

"*throws up gang signs* ""Ew gross, I don't remember eating that."""

"Do I feel like crying? HELL YES LET'S DO THIS 'THE FAULT IN OUR STARS'"