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Joke of the Day

"Kevin Smith's new movie looks awful. I think I'd rather watch a movie directed by Southwest Airlines."

"Why don't you stamp e-mails? Because your foot would go right through the computer screen!"

"What do you call an abortion in Prague? A cancelled Czech."

"You are so sweet... ...is your zodiac sign caries?"

"How come Barbie never got pregnant? Because Ken, came.... In another box!"

"Why Did Barbie Never Get Pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box."

"JON: What should I do with these extra mustard packs? MARY: Just stuff 'em in the Lazy Susan. SUSAN: Hey, I'm right here! (*remains seated*)"

"What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog ? Chump chops !"

"I accidently opened the fitness app and my phone immediately called to report itself stolen."

"The doctors all doubted me. They all thought I couldn't do it. They said I couldn't fight them all at once and well, they were 100% right"