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Joke of the Day

"The worst feeling is when you miss someone but you can't even tell them you miss them because they are a pizza."

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"pulled over drunk driving office: please recite the alphabet from z to a me: z y u a k m e"
"What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship? Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright..."
"[boxing match] Commentator: Silva is in the red shorts with green, white & yellow trim Me: the black guy. Just say Silva is the black guy"
"Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing."
"If you love someone... Bury them in your backyard so no one can find them. Then you'll have them FOREVER! *looks out window & smiles*"
"I recently saw The VVitch and it was a very eye opening experience I had no idea Hilary Clinton had such a rough childhood."
"There are 2 types of people in this world... those that can extrapolate from missing information."
"Finally got a phone at my desk. In related news, thanks to me, 56 random people are running to catch their refrigerators."
"As the judge said to the dentist: Do you swear to pull the tooth the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"
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