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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't anyone care about the plot in porn? Because, nobody appreciates good friction anymore."

"How do you get stuck in an annoying conversation with a stranger? Ask someone vaping if you can bum a cigarette."

"We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica."

"[comes out of coma after 12 years] ME: Holy shit I forgot to set my AIM status to 'Away'! DOCTOR: you might want to take a seat"

"My friend sat on my drink... It went flat"

"[hell] Me: Why am I here? Devil: You told people you'd say hi to other people 3,789 times but only did it 4 times. Me: OK that's fair."

"My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'. I said: May divorce be with you..."

"Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope."

"How do you call a Jamaican mountain? High ground"

"I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.. But when I got home, all the signs were there."