191157

Joke of the Day

"Next week I'm gonna have an MRI scan. I'll finally find out if I have claustrophobia."

"You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some midol."

"Rik Mayall jokes What does a man with a two-foot cock have for breakfast? This morning I had a boiled egg. Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn't get his knob out of the chicken. RIP"

"Why are gametes so popular? Because sex sells!"

"Dear Jesus- please let all my texts go to the correct person- Amen"

"*pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*"

"Why couldn't the whore house build a second story? To much fucking overhead"

"Took a while, but I finally found the perfect background pic to update my desktop with. So yeah, totally carpe'd the shit out of this diem."

"Heisenberg's wife was unhappy... because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum. Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad."

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big."