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Joke of the Day

"There was once a viking who believed in reincarnation. He was hoping that after dying he'd be Bjorn again."

"I was so depressed dat my ATM displayed someone else's balance to cheer me up"

"Why do mice need oiling ? Because they squeak !"

"How does a Chinese family name their children? They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs."

"If you're with me when I die, remember 2 things: 1) Do Not Resuscitate 2) Smash Phone on Ground"

"""Oh. My. God."" - the first duck to eat bread."

"Just ate a bag of jelly beans. Did you know if you eat a pineapple, a coconut, and a black one together, it tastes like pina colada asphalt?"

"Newsflash, New Zealand! You're not that new!"

"What do you get if you cross a Fish and an Elephant? Swimming Trunks."

"[Putting petrol in car] 19.95 19.96 19.97 [stops] [gently now] 19.98 [very gently] 19.99 [ok, once more] [deep breath] 37.83 GODDAMMIT"