190714

Joke of the Day

"Sonny snake is asking his father snake: *Dad, are we venomous?!* ""No son, we're not venomous snakes, why do you ask?"" *Because I just bit my tongue!*"

"Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back."

"i think of my nipples as an umlaut that makes my beer gut more sophisticated"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use lubricant."

"I've just watched a distressing film on how African children have to walk up to ten miles to bring water to their village. I think it was far fetched."

"still can't say ""jk"" without whispering ""rowling"""

"Why did they go from Windows 8 straight to Windows 10? Because 7 8 9!"

"I tried to take on ISIS with a shotgun. Iraq'd and then Iran"

"My New Year's resolution is 1920 x 1080!"