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Joke of the Day

"i think of my nipples as an umlaut that makes my beer gut more sophisticated"

"I fucked a bitch at work today and guess what happened? Pet store fired me"

"People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made."

"What did the boulder say to the other boulder? I rock. You Rock. We Rock. Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks."

"Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There's a nap for that."

"Have you heard about these new corduroy pillows? They've really been making headlines. -courtesy of my 8 year old niece."

"Damn girl are you a cornfield? Because I'm stalking you."

"George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity Just like one of his characters. (If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)"

"What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he were white? Alive"

"If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often."