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Joke of the Day

"Every time my friend plays with his xbox... She is left thinking that they are getting back together."

"My wife showed me her baby photos. She said, ""Here's one of me when I was 3."" I replied, ""Wow, and there's me thinking you were like a fine wine."""

"Did you hear about the goblin whose left arm and left leg cut off? Guess what he's alright now!"

"I was up late last night, trying to figure out why the sun disappeared Then it dawned on me...."

"I heard you like bad boys? *jumps in pool after eating without waiting an hour* Sup."

"Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me."

"I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music."

"Did you hear about the Texas hipster whose bicycle was broken? He was fixin' to get his fixie fixed."

"Most girls: ""I hangout with guys, there's less drama."" Me: ""I hangout by myself. There's no drama & I don't have to wear pants."""

"Where is Waldo? How do you find a blind man at an orgy? It's not hard."