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Joke of the Day

"I put the 'fun' in functional alcoholic."

"The very first joke I ever learned as a kid. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A Buccaneer. (Wah, wah, wah, waaaaahhhhh)"

"Why shouldn't you drink Diet Coke after having sex? Because then you'll have TWO aftertastes to get rid of!"

"A joke I made up from The Revenant Why did Glass gut the horse? He just wanted to fit in."

"How do you get a gay guy to screw a women? Shit in her pussy."

"Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you."

"wow, i thought what we had was special, you met my family and made me dinner, now you say you're a ""waiter"" and you're just ""doing your job"""

"I tried using self deprecating humor But I'm not any good at it."

"Maybe the reason you're not having *sexual intercourse* is because you call it sexual intercourse."

"If you can't do it naked, it's not worth doing."