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Joke of the Day

"Touch it gently, put two fingers inside... if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down, push in and out... faster and faster! Yep that's how you wash a cup."

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"Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat? A: When you are a mouse!"
"What's got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog"
"How do magicians hide their boners? The power of missed-erection."
"I mean, NHL teams have father-son road trips all the time I don't think they're as common in the NBA though..."
"How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy? You put a bounty on his head."
"I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone."
"Whats the difference between a fetus and a meme? You cant kill a Meme"
"What's the best part about fucking twenty-two year old's? They are in their sexual prime."
"My favorite thing about parties at an unknown house is definitely having to dry my hands in the bathroom with a stranger's wet bath towel"