190540

Joke of the Day

"How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5. 1 to screw in the light bulb, and 4 to remark on how grand the old one was."

"What does Melania see in Donald Trump? 10 billion dollars and high Cholesterol"

"I just recently bought a used car and I took it back 2 days later. ""This car is useless. It doesn't go past 60 up a hill."" ""60 uphill is really good. What's wrong with that?"" ""I live at 74."""

"Me: What did you do at preschool? 3-year-old: We had to color inside the lines the WHOLE time. Me: 3-year-old: I need to lie down."

"Why does a dog on a U-boat have a deep bark? Because he's a sub woofer."

"*Dino-Jesus preaching to the dinosaurs* ""Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."" *Asteroid crushes Earth* ""Dammit Dad."""

"I'm reading this amazing novel called ""Dictionary"", I'm only halfway through but I'm pretty sure the Zebra did it...."

"What looks like half a sandwich? The other half."

"Hub: This looks delicious! I love spaghetti! Me: I know Hub: Pass the foot powder. ~and that's why I can never eat Parmesan cheese again"

"The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you're having a velociraptor."