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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the rivalry between the ice cream shops in Texas and Mexico? It was the Battle of the A'la Mode."

"A short and a long joke * joke * JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE"

"Do you think horses are negative? They seem like real neigh sayers, and they're always whinnying about everything"

"By starring this tweet, you agree to my terms of service.* *Unlimited** free***, surprise butt sex. **Some limitations apply. ***Not free."

"If you piss me off bad enough and tell me to leave you alone, I will take 30 Adderall and send you cat pictures every 3 minutes for 6 days."

"What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride? An I-shoulda-pede."

"Why was the ghost sad? A lot of different reasons."

"Little known fact: If you ride any animal in the zoo for more than 30 seconds... it's yours to keep."

"My flight doesn't have wifi so I'm just gonna hit the call button and tell the flight attendant every time I think of something amusing."

"You deserve a standing ovation from my tallest finger."