190399

Joke of the Day

"Dear white people: you stop Adam Sandler from making movies and we'll stop Eddie Murphy."

"What is the difference between 9/11 and landscaping? Landscaping is an outside job."

"OBAMA: your resume says you think of the ""best nicknames?"" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit"

"What a beautiful day! The sun's shining, the birds are singing, the neighbor's dog is taking a huge crap on my lawn..."

"An Irishman walks past a bar..."

"How does an octopus go to war? Well-Armed"

"Nice job person who came up with bread."

"Favorite cannibal movies: 3) Cannibal Holocaust 2) Cannibal Ferox 1) She's Having a Baby"

"German women love me... I'm a ladies man. I saw this fine German woman. I didn't even have to chat her up for her to hastily give me her number. It was easy to remember 999 9999."

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers"