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Joke of the Day

"What does a blonde do when her computer freezes? She puts in in the microwave."

"Jared Fogle ""the subway guy"" was upset to be sentenced to 15 and 1/2 years in Prison today... Funny because 15 1/2 years used to sound pretty good to him."

"I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, ""YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."""

"In the window of a bar in Philadelphia Drop a bucket of Starbuck's Iced Coffee on your head to raise awareness of the rich city girls who have lost their ability to even."

"""haha yeah totally"" - me to cab drivers"

"...and then the whiskey whispered ""You should totally tell her about what your ex used to do to you in bed."""

"Two bars of chocolate are falling down the stairs... ...the first one says:""Shit I think I broke my ribs"". To which the second one replies:""So what, I fucking hit my nuts!""."

"What do the Post Office and a shoe store have in common? Thousands of brown loafers"

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff... ...ba dum tss!"

"I'd let Jesus take the wheel but... I don't know how to speak spanish."