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Joke of the Day

"Are you today's date? Cause you're 10/10."

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dicktator!"

"A midget psychic escaped from prison... I guess you could call them a small medium at large."

"Did you hear about the guy that got married to a T.V. antenna? I guess the wedding was boring, but the reception was great."

"I like to get up early on Sundays, have my coffee, watch the sunrise, and pretend everyone else died of polio."

"You have orgasms all the time. Even if you don't have sex, I know you masturbate. You're a liar if you say you don't. Sexy"

"Marriage means always wanting to scream ""Shut the fuck up"" but instead saying ""OK honey""."

"Boy becomes Jedi, gets married, turns evil, has twins, becomes Darth Vader, complicated crap, ewoks. Boom, STAR WARS. You're welcome, girls."

"This ad says: ""3 out of 5 smokers die"" Apparently the other 2 become immortal."

"How do you summon a wizard taxi? CABRACADABRA!"