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Joke of the Day

"Knock, knock..(my 8 year old told me this) Knock, knock Who's there? Anna Anna who? Anna one, Anna two"

"Yesterday I came out of the closet. Then realized I should probably stop masturbating in my closet."

"Humans are bad at being basketballs."

"What does an alcoholic ghost drink? Spirits."

"Me: I'm going across the street to get a beer. Priest: You can't bring a beer in here. This is a church. Me: I can if it's in my stomach."

"How do you cut the Roman empire in half? You use a pair of Caesars"

"Halloween is great bc kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal"

"I'm an animal in bed I do it doggy style and come after 5 seconds"

"[Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?"

"Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired."