190062

Joke of the Day

"*Texts* Can I come over bae? I need you. <3 *Gets reply text* DUDE, STOP CALLING ME THAT. I'M YOUR DEALER NOT YOUR BAE. BRING CA$H!"

"Helicopter crash A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies."

"I've got a great sense of humor *closes eyes and tilts head slightly upward* yes. there is humor nearby. 40, no, 50 yards from here"

"What's 6.9? 69 interrupted by a period."

"What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment."

"Do you think George Clooney has an iTunes playlist called Clooney Tunes?"

"*gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go."

"That moment. You're driving, music blaring singing at the top of your lungs. You're a rockstar till the music cuts out & you hear your voice"

"Playing Guess Who these days is hard ""Is your person white?"" ""Excuse me?"" ""Is your person white?"" ""I don't see skin color I just see people"""

"Anyone who doesn't request unlimited salad and breadsticks as their last meal is an idiot"