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Joke of the Day

"*gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go."

"According to Cunningham's Law, the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the right answer and wait for idiots to tell you you're wrong."

"What do you call? What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on a chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on a chin? A dick in the mouth"

"'Jesus loves you' means one thing in general society. And something completely different in prison."

"My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea"

"Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out"

"What's the difference between a boomerang and a train filled with Jews? The boomerang comes back."

"Why was the man selling CDs at 12:30 a.m.? Because his mixtape was to die for..."

"I was playing charades with a deaf guy Or as he called it, ""having a chat""."

"[annoyed burglar waking me] you still have a VCR?"