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Joke of the Day

"*puts on sexy underwear and high heels* *grabs whip* *flicks whip* *searches for scissors to extricate whip from hair*"

"I often misuse common phrases People are always pulling me off for it."

"How do feminists screw in a lightbulb? By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them EDIT: Rip inbox EDIT 2: Thanks for the gold!"

"What do a cannibal's dinner and a christmas treat have in common? They're both a pan o' Tony."

"Why are lesbians such poor cooks? Because they love to eat out."

"Did you grow up on a farm? Because you sure know how to raise cock"

"""There's no 'u' in 'favorite'"" - coach telling his British son that he prefers his American son"

"I'm not saying I don't like you, but if you had an open wound I'd hand you a salt shaker."

"Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner."

"If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it."