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Joke of the Day

"I have a really annoying joke but first you will need to take a deep breath and blink hard... Ha, now you are conscious of your breathing and blinking."

"*at adoption center* ""Okay yeah they're all great and all, but which one is the most photogenic for Facebook and stuff like that"""

"The dildo I bought didn't come with instructions But I guess it's just plug-n-play"

"Why was the redditor banned? Voat manipulation."

"What's a magician's favorite Mexican dish? TosTADA!"

"How do you find a naked man in a nudist colony? It's not hard."

"[watching House of Cards] where are the cards"

"And the King of puns said It's going to be another reigny day"

"""Getting fat"" is absolutely a legitimate response to ""what have you been up to?"""

"I have nothing to eat All i have is a bunch of old vegetables, but all they do is talk about Vietnam."