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Joke of the Day

"The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone has stolen every lamp in his house."

"What do you call an arabian cop? Sher-if"

"Subway is rolling out a new signature sub. Ask your sandwich artist for the 'Jared'. It is served with less then 13 grams of fat."

"Trump, 2 years into his presidency: ""What do you mean we can't just file for bankruptcy?"""

"Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: ""Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps but certainly not everyone in the world."""

"twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)"

"Ever need to go to the bathroom but can't find your iPhone so you just shit your pants? I know, right?"

"Not knowing that it's called ""baby corn"" isn't a big deal... ...but everyone looked at me REALLY weird when I said ""oooh, I LOVE child corn"" in a crowded restaurant."

"THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this."

"If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic."