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Joke of the Day

"Sharks don't like the taste of human flesh, which must mean they are drama queens who only eat people for attention."

"Someone stole your tiny Stradivarius? Aw, poor baby, I'm playing the world's smallest violin for you. It's, uh, a different one. Gotta go."

"Dad said I need to be the rock for a friend who is having a tough time. Currently practicing that eyebrow thing & wrestling moves."

"I'm not a Reddit admin... But 20 McNuggets is 20 McNuggets"

"Drag slicks are a lot like condoms... ...you don't really mind a broken one until you realize how expensive it's going to be."

"*rolls grocery cart into open house* Ooh what a lovely lamp! *puts it in cart* An iPad! *crosses iPad off shopping list* *puts it in cart*"

"I have a particular set of skills, skills that allow me to open beer cans so no one in the house knows I'm drinking."

"b b q why is it that latinos don't bar b que? the rice and beans keep falling thru the grill"

"A Blonde is driving in her car and turns on the radio. It says that 2 Brazilian men were killed. She starts crying and says, ""How many is a Brazilian?"""

"What is brown and sticky? A stick...."