118586

Joke of the Day

"Someone stole your tiny Stradivarius? Aw, poor baby, I'm playing the world's smallest violin for you. It's, uh, a different one. Gotta go."

"I wish i was like my coffee. Rich and strong."

"Where can I fit 40 jews in my car The ashtray."

"Movies Lesson #5: very few people die while trying to get from one hotel room to another using the ledge outside, so give it a shot."

"Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your Random Party Pics' album at 4am."

"Which four-member rock group doesn't sing or play music? Mount Rushmore."

"When the machines finally take over, prepare yourself for Pope Prius the First."

"Have you heard the one about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil"

"If you don't walk sideways chanting 'crab people' when holding tongs, we can't be friends."

"Me: Sorry, my son spilled the water Waiter: No problem, I'll get you a new one Me: [grabbing his arm] Make sure this one likes sports"