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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'd invite you in but my place is a mess Friend: That's OK. I don't mind M: The mess tho F: Don't be silly M: I don't want u in my house"

"When you're a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them."

"*Tips fedora at a mosquito* M'laria"

"Why was the Ethiopian baby crying? It was having a mid-life crisis."

"In Batman Begins, the scene when Bruce Wayne throws the gun into the river, if you listen you can hear someone say ""you throw like a girl""."

"Why can the Devil never go back to Georgia? He fiddled up a little kid."

"Your Jedi mom is so fat... she should be on a force sensible diet."

"Joss Whedon should open his own version of a Tractor Supply store, with gardening and animal supplies ... ... he could call it Whedon Feed 'n Weed-n-feed"

"Knock knock. Who's there? * Fuck. * Fuck who? * Fuck you."

"You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes Literally"