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Joke of the Day

"In Batman Begins, the scene when Bruce Wayne throws the gun into the river, if you listen you can hear someone say ""you throw like a girl""."

"The only reason to have a second kid is if your first one doesn't get a lot of likes on Facebook."

"Buttsex is a lot like spinach If you're forced to have it as a child. You'll never enjoy it as an adult. Thank you Daniel Tosh."

"Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have."

"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm incontinent No time to talk."

"Sometimes I miss my real friends and then I think, screw them, they don't even star my tweets."

"With my 4 year old granddaughter: What's a cat's favorite pasta? Mousearoni"

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? [NSFW? ] It depends on how hard you throw them."

"If I walk you home and kiss you goodnight, a simple thank you will suffice. None of this calling the cops crap."

"Can't wait for it to get dark earlier so I can pick my nose in traffic."