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Joke of the Day

"Why did the stoplight turn red? Well, wouldn't you turn red if you were caught changing in the middle of the street?"

"Tell 'em how it 'tis, not how it 'twas: Edition 3. The joke used to be ""If ya lick 'er, it's quicker"". Now it's: if ya pin 'er, yer in 'er."

"The Mother Of All storms (Frankenstorm) is heading toward New York City... Trump better get out the hairspray."

"Whats the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker stops fucking you when your dead."

"Today I found my first grey pubic hair. I got really excited, but not as much as the other people in the lift."

"[radioshack meeting] employee: sir, overall sales are really low. CEO: when did we start selling overalls, bro?"

"Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with ""shut up"" written in every blank."

"Understand men, or die trying. Or try dying. Or quit trying. Or lie crying. Or cry tweeting. Or tweet trying, to understand men."

"I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves. He died waiting for the drop."

"Scientists have grown human vocal chords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves."