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Joke of the Day

"Understand men, or die trying. Or try dying. Or quit trying. Or lie crying. Or cry tweeting. Or tweet trying, to understand men."

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"What is the most uptight human instinct? Sex, there's hundreds of thousands of sex offenders."
"Who will stop Donald Trump? The First Amendment people."
"The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately."
"For ""fuck sake"" or ""for fuck's sake?"" I need this email to sound professional."
"A salami goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him ""Sorry, I can't help you, ..."" ""... you're already cured."""
"what's the difference between a my girlfriend and a voice activated sink? One gets turned on and all wet when I speak to it. The other is a voice activated sink."
"when someone pisses you off start counting down from 10. When you get to 8 punch them in the throat, they will never expect it."
"Everything is always funnier once you are not allowed to laugh."
"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Potato"
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