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Joke of the Day

"What's the best hour to book a dental appointment? Tooth hurty."

"Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!"

"I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet."

"I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is."

"A farmer spent over $12 million to see the effects of marijuana on cows... The steaks had never been higher."

"What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking."

"Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait..."

"I asked the grocery store man if they had eggnog and he's like ""We only carry it at Christmastime"" so I was all ""Whatever, Hitler."""

"How do you get your dog to come? Fuck it."

"[asking a girl out] ME: So do you have a dog? HER: Yes, I do. She's very playful. ME: *nervously* Do you know if she's busy later?"