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Joke of the Day

"chemistry What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? ""HeHe"""

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"My dealer said he'll be here in 20 minutes with the best popcorn ever. We're gonna watch a movie!"
"What's the hardest part of a vegatable to eat? The wheelchair."
"Good cop: If you just let us know where the body is, we'll let you go Bad Batman: Ben Affleck"
"It's a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green."
"Girlfriend: Have you ever been with a fat chick? Me: Nope, you're the first one. Gf: What? Me: What?"
"What's the opposite of effort? F it."
"Wife: Who is it? Me [hand over phone]: The police, they say it's now illegal to fake throw a ball Dog in other room: [hangs up his phone]"
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"The Energizer Bunny was just arrested! He was charged with battery."